


I Don't Want These Memories

by alluraismyqueen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homesickness, Hunk is the only character really there, I would die for you Anon, Requested by anon, There aren't enough Hunk-centric fics so here I am, This is a Hunk-centric fic, everyone else is mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alluraismyqueen/pseuds/alluraismyqueen
Summary: Hunk remembers.Hunk doesn't want to remember.





	

Hunk doesn’t know how long he’s been out in space.

It’s a bit depressing, he thinks, that he can’t keep track of time. Because, yeah, he knows that saving the universe from Zarkon’s grasp is the most important thing in, well, the universe. He learned that when he went to the Balmera with Coran and met Shay and her people. But Hunk misses Earth, and the only thing that can really keep him tethered to Earth is knowing the time. Because he can’t contact his family - a fact that’s grim yet true - and he didn’t bring anything from his home planet besides his clothes, himself, and his memory.

Hunk kind of resents his memory. He likes to remember his family, of course, because he loves them. His nine year old sister, Rose, who is prettier than the flower she’s named after, his grandmother, lovingly named Gramma by her two grandchildren, and his mother are all remembered by Hunk - and missed. That’s why he can’t stand his memory - because he can’t remember without missing.

Hunk knows all about missing.

His father had passed away when Hunk was nine. He had been a kind man whose main priority was keeping his family happy and healthy. Hunk loved him to the farthest reaches of the universe and back. Losing him was like losing a vital organ - and not just for Hunk. Hunk’s mother and grandmother felt the blow of the loss almost physically and definitely constantly. It wasn’t a very good time for the family. (Which is an understatement.)

But everyone supported each other, and, yeah, maybe the main reason that everyone was able to get back on their feet after such devastation was because of the baby that needed attention. Rose was, although Hunk loved her to death, quite a piece of work when she was a baby. Though, Hunk thinks, so are all babies. 

So Hunk managed to heal, somehow. When he was younger, he wished that he hadn’t had to heal. Now, though, he’s thankful. Because Hunk has learned something: remembering leads to missing, and missing isn’t fun.

Which is, again, an understatement. 

-

Hunk tries not to remember. He really does. 

But sometimes, memories are inevitable. They’ll hit you out of nowhere, in your weakest spot, when you have no armor on. 

The team is done with training one night. Shiro and Allura are talking quietly to each other. Coran is making some concoction that he says will whip them right into shape (and will also taste positively great). Pidge is tinkering with some Altean technology that Allura had been using and that she found fascinating. Keith and Lance were having some sort of poking contest. And Hunk was remembering. 

He didn’t mean to. But the scene, somehow reminded him of some Thanksgiving he’d had with his family, before his dad passed away. All of his cousins had been there, as well as some of his friends. Lance had been there.

It had been a good Thanksgiving. Everyone had had fun. Hunk was tired, full of food, and happy. He was dozing off in his Gramma’s lap, small and safe and content with life. 

Hunk doesn’t feel that way anymore.

He has to save the universe. He knows that. He saw the Balmera. He saw Zarkon’s prisoners. He knows about how Shiro sometimes wakes up screaming because of nightmares from his time in Galra captivity. But Hunk…

He wants to go home.

He knows he can’t. It’s selfish. Unbelievably selfish, especially for Hunk. Life is precious, his mom always used to say. And Hunk is being given the chance to save trillions - no, more than trillions - of lives, such precious lives, and he wants to go back to Earth and be small and safe and happy again. 

Memories make you selfish, Hunk learns. So he stops remembering for the night. He’ll live in the present until everything’s done. Then he can go back to the past.

-

Hunk is usually good at keeping promises. 

But he can’t seem to keep his own promise of not remembering.

The memories come flooding in at night, when he’s lying in his bed, thinking about anything and everything. His mind has gone too far, though. And it can’t seem to get back.

Hunk misses Rose. She has always been a top priority of Hunk’s. Rose, like everyone else in Hunk’s family, is big and dark skinned. Since the world likes to pick on the different, school has always been hard for Rose. The kids in her class make life harsh for her. But when Hunk remembers her, he remembers a soft girl with nothing but love in her heart. And he knows it’s because he always would cheer her up when she was down. Hunk wonders what will happen to that love now that he’s gone. 

Please don’t make her harden her heart, he thinks. No, he prays. Hunk doesn’t know who he’s praying to. All he knows is that he will do anything to keep Rose’s heart warm and soft and full of love. Anything. 

Hunk thinks of his mother, too. She’s a tough woman who shows love only to those she deems worthy. Any time someone gave Hunk a hard time, his mother was there for him. She is harsh to those who deserve it, which has caused quite a few people to think that Hunk was raised by a hateful woman. In reality, his mother is the nicest person Hunk knows. She is generous and outstandingly warmhearted. Hunk wants nothing more in the world than happiness for his mother.

Hunk can’t help but think of his grandmother. She’s old and frail. Hunk wonders if she’s still alive.

With this thought, Hunk pushes memories out of his brain.

He needs to sleep. Memories lead to missing, he reminds himself.

He doesn’t want to miss.

-

When Hunk accidentally lets memories slip through, tears do, as well. He misses his family. He misses them all so much.

He knows that going back to Earth in a short amount of time will not happen. Hunk has common sense. He doesn’t like the fact, though.

He wants to hope. Hope might lead to disappointment, but it’s better than grim knowledge lurking in the back of his mind for the rest of his life.

Hunk hates being so selfish. He misses his family. He wants to go home. He wants to stop being a paladin. He wants to leave.

He knows he can’t.

He knows.

He remembers.

He misses.

Hunk wants to go home.

-

He tries to keep the thoughts of home to himself. Everyone else has their own worries. Hunk can’t let his homesickness burden everyone else. 

But, of course, his down mood is noticed one day.

“Hunk,” Lance asks one day after training is done, voice tender, “what are you thinking about?”

Hunk wants to lie, but the look on Lance’s face is too open, too understanding, too knowing to tell anything but the truth to.

“Home,” is all Hunk says.

But it’s enough. The one word is enough to truly confirm the fact that Hunk isn’t home. He’s so far away. He can’t go back anytime soon. 

Tears are spilling out of Hunk’s eyes, and Lance is hugging him, and he isn’t saying anything, and Hunk is crying, crying, crying. 

And more arms are around him, and Hunk is squished in a group hug, and he’s still crying, and he thinks everyone else might be, too, and he isn’t happy, but he does feel better than before. 

Hunk can’t go home.

No one on his team can go home. 

And they all know that, and they are all torn up over it, and it’s negative, but something about everyone crying together (how cheesy, Hunk thinks) makes him feel a little better. Because suddenly everyone is there for him. And everyone will always be there for him.

They aren’t home. But they can be something like it.

-

Hunk can’t go home.

But he can remember.

He can remember, and he can miss.

And he can have people by his side as he does.

Not knowing how long he’s been away from home doesn’t really matter now.

It’s depressing, Hunk thinks, how much time used to matter to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm crying??? Like I actually cried while writing this?? I love my boy Hunk so much you don't understand.  
> Tumblr: wlwvoltron


End file.
